Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Oscars - from Quatchi's perspective

"Hello, I am QUATCHI and I like mooovies."

If Quatchi could have a conversation with me, I believe his criteria for movie quality would revolve around what he knows and loves:
1) Is it or anyone in it Canadian? Or was it filmed in the Hollywood of Canada, aka Hollywood North, aka Vancouver?
2) Does it involve Sasquatches? and
3) Does it involve Sports, particularly winter sports?

As far as I can tell, unfortunately for Quatchi, none of the ten nominees for Best Picture/Directing meet any of these criteria, nor were any of the nominees for Best Actor or Actress born in Canada.... so far the Oscars are not going very well for Quatchi.

The best we might do is 'The Blind Side.' Although it was filmed in Georgia and the blond Sandra Bullock was born in Virginia, it does involve sports. Canada apparently has its own style of gridiron football that is played exclusively in Canada by teams like the Vancouver Lions, the Toronto Argonauts, the Edmonton Eskimos, the Hamilton Tiger-cats, and the Saskatchewan Roughriders, BUT I am not sure Quatchi cares about any form of football, whether it's Canadian or American or soccer, because none of them are featured in the Winter Olympics.

However, now that the winter olympics are over, Quatchi might need to expand his area of interest or go into hibernation for four years, but then he will have to compete with whatever crazy mascot the Russians come up with in 2014. At least Quatchi is cooler than the mascot for the South African World Cup, Zakumi, which appears to be a green-haired cheetah. Non-mythical creature? Yawn. At least we know that Zakumi would vote for 'District 9.' If I had to guess, I would say the TBD Russian Olympic mascot would probably vote for 'Inglourious Basterds' because Russia hated Hitler too. The TBD London Olympic 2012 mascot would obviously vote for 'An Education.' Maybe Quatchi would go for Avatar because it also involves mythical creatures? Tough to say.

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